This just in! President Obama likes to drink and smoke. Finally, something we can agree on. So today I pose this question:

There are two things I am sure you know:

1. The Health Care Summit is today.

2. Your inside source to the Health Care Summit is Fingersmalloy.com

I have a copy of the real bill. How did I get a copy? I would love to tell you, but quite honestly I am not proud of what I had to do to get my hands on the “real” bill. Next time you see me, you owe me a beer.

Here are the eight most shocking things about Obamacare. Why eight? Because if it were ten I would be ripping off David Letterman.

1. The Food and Drug Administration will mandate that all Stuckey’s restaurants replace butter with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

2. The Federal Government will take over Stuckey’s restaurants, because they are too big to fail.

3. The Obama Administration will demand Denny’s restaurants recall every serving of Moons Over My Hammy served between 2006-2010.

4. The head of the Food and Drug Administration will warn Americans to “Not eat at Denny’s.”

5. Congress will call on the President of Denny’s to testify in front of the House, to try and defend Denny’s serving bad food to drunks at 2AM all across the United States.

6. Declare Vice President Joe Biden “Batman.”

7. Outlaw Sarah Palin.

8. Create a 2800 page health care bill that no American will read and then make everyone believe Bill Gates will pay for it all.

There you have it, the inside scoop on health care. You owe me a beer.

Day 6 of Palmgate and unrest has spread to Iran. Thousands of protesters rushed into the streets of Tehran to demonstrate, as frustration mounts over the continuing mystery as to what exactly Sarah Palin had written on her hand during her teabagger speech on Saturday.

It is no coincidence that this protest and Iran declaring itself a nuclear state was announced on Sarah Palin’s birthday. What are you hiding Governor Palin? When will the madness stop? What was on your hand?*

*I get all of my news from Keith Olbermann

Here is a video of the real protest. While liberals are focused on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and Obamacare the Iranians are staying busy.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

(This is an old post from back in February. It’s the weekend, so I thought I would bring her back. Enjoy.)

Fingersmalloy.com  is a hard hitting, fact finding, truth spilling machine. It is not some kind of gossip rag like Us Weekly or the New York Times. For example, we passed on the New York Times story that reported Governor Palin’s son Trigg is actually a robot created by Exxon Mobil.

However, sometimes we like to take a day to get away from politics as usual. As many of you who have a Facebook or MySpace account know, 25 Random Things About Me is sweeping the world. Actually it can get to be pretty annoying. Every day, millions of people are tagged to look at meaningless facts about their friends and neighbors.

Today we were given a 25 Random Things About Me authored by the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. The person who gave us this letter wanted to remain anonymous. From now on, he or she will be referred to as Deep Throat 2, the Wrath of Kahn. We will post it below, and hope that you learn something about our Madam Speaker.

25 Random Things About Me – Nancy Pelosi

1. I am Speaker of the House.
2. I once asked George W. Bush “boxers or briefs?”
3. I count Harry Reids when I can’t sleep at night.
4. I think abortion should be legal up to the 53rd trimester.
5. I shot a man in the Reno, just to watch him die.
6. I get 500 million and 500 thousand mixed up.
7. I spend 500 million like it’s 500 thousand.
8. I love Aquanet! (Editor’s note, this was reported earlier in a 1 Hour Martinizing exclusive.)
9. My favorite band is Dexy’s Midnight Runner.
10. I’m watching you.
11. Yes you.
12. For years I thought Majority Whip was a dessert topping.
13. Barack Obama is my new BFF and he is like, TOTALLY a cutie.
14. I put orange marmalade on everything.
15. I brake for bingo.
16. I once played 7 minutes in heaven with Ted Kennedy.
17. I once vomited after 7 minutes in heaven with Ted Kennedy.
18. OMG! Bill Clinton just walked into my office and offered to show me his stimulus package.
19. I live in San Francisco; there is nothing funny about that.
20. I own a time share in Florida with Rush Limbaugh (shh, don’t tell anyone.)
21. I own a Hummer H3, but to make up for it I hug a tree daily.
22. For six years I had a secret crush on Dick Cheney.
23. I have 1 tattoo. It is a tramp stamp of Tip O’Neill’s face.
24. I call my husband Stedman just to piss him off.
25. I get all of my news from Fingersmalloy.com