This is a story that The Snark Factor has investigated for 15 minutes. The Snuggie(a mutant blanket) which has become popular among elderly women, was created by terrorists in an effort to bring Sharia Law to unsuspecting women in the U.S.

The Snuggie- Made for comfort or terrorist plot?

Through my contacts at the Justice Department(yes they read The Snark Factor), I was picked up by a Hezbollah operative and driven 5 hours blindfolded to their underground hideout.

The blindfold fell off about 2 minutes from their bunker. I was horrified with what I saw. Burned out buildings-no people for miles. Where are we I thought?

Hezbollah guy looked at me and said “You gotta love Detroit in the summer.”

Soon I was brought down into their bunker, where I saw several children working around fabric. Hezbollah guy(from now on he will go by the name Frank), told me that the kids work cheap. He got them from Kathy Lee Gifford’s sweat shop.

Frank led me into a room that had three portraits on the wall. One photo was an oil painting of Yasser Arafat–the second was of Osama bin Laden–the third was Ryan Seacrest.

Frank seemed pleased to tell me Hezbollah’s plan for us to voluntarily impose Sharia Law in the United States:

You Americans are so concerned about the mosque in New York, we are slipping this in right under your nose. The Snuggie was just phase one. Your women love it!

Plus a portion of the profits fund The Huffington Post.

But the Snuggie doesn’t completely cover a woman up, we needed to come up with something else.

I thought to myself–my God it is worse than I thought. Their plans include something that Snuggie fans will find irresistible.

Frank called it the Snazzy Napper. It covers the unsuspecting rube’s face.

Frank went on:

After your weak American women see the Snazzy Napper, they will not be able to resist its comfort. A woman will not leave her home without it on her face. No more putting on makeup. Just put on the Snazzy Napper and go.

After that we are half way home. America will be under Sharia Law by 2016.

The best part of the whole thing, the profits from Snazzy Napper get directly deposited into the Harry Reid for Senate campaign fund. Nobody can stop us! Nobody!!!

*Warning, this piece may be total bullshit…

There is a story in Monday’s New York Post speculating that CNN is trying to prepare for the possibility that Larry King may retire when his contract expires in 18 months. The prospect of King leaving his nightly talk show is quite real. The challenge for CNN is to find a replacement for Larry that will not alienate his loyal viewership of 114 people. After all, the new host needs viewers too.

The Post speculates on a few possible candidates that may replace King. Here is The Snark Factor’s analysis of each potential candidate.

Joy Behar- Liked by many liberals, mostly because she is ill-informed and lacks any analytical skills. She’s not very funny. Joy Behar is to comedy what Kathy Griffin is to comedy. The combination of her lack of talent and unwatchability (yes I made that word up) makes her a front-runner to replace King and a perfect fit at CNN.

Katie Couric- She’s still spunky. Couric has actually interviewed someone all by herself. Working for CBS, Katie has proven that she has no problem being affiliated with a network that resembles the Titanic. CNN should look long and hard at Ms.Couric.

Ryan Seacrest- Plain Yogurt. But does anyone do plain yogurt better than Ryan Seacrest? He is inoffensive. But he comes with a hefty price tag. Can CNN afford to pay Ryan Seacrest Seacrest money in the hope that he can continue CNN’s dominance over MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and Billy Mays infomercials? Pass…

The challenge for CNN is to find someone that will bring the same energy and excitement to the job that Larry King has brought all these many years. There is only one individual that can bring the same kind of electricity to CNN as King, and that’s the corpse of Barry Goldwater….