This is from The Detroit Free Press. Of the Massa/Beck interview;

Massa, who resigned hours earlier as a Democratic Congressman from New York amid allegations of sexual harassment, admitted on the conservative talking head’s program that he had groped a male staffer.

“Now they’re saying I groped a male staffer,” Massa said. “Yeah, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday, and it was kill the old guy.”

Everyone here at The Snark Factor feels a little gay after hearing his explanation. Truth be told, I don’t care if he’s gay, if you’re gay or if Ringo Starr is gay. But it is obvious that Massa cares what you think.

So the Snark Factor has come up with six other cover stories that Massa can use to cover up his male groping. Not that he needs any, I’m sure that everyone believed the explanation he came up with for Beck.

1. Yeah I groped them, but we were playing Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.

2. Sure I touched em, but it was my birthday and we were playing Truth or Dare. I said “dare.”

3. Yes I goosed him, but we were taking a tour of the Neverland Ranch and I got carried away.

4. Yes we may have had inappropriate contact, but we were recreating our favorite scenes from the Broadway hit “Grease.”

5. Sure I was playing grab ass, but in my defense I am a “Grab Ass Addict” (The Tiger Woods Defense.)

6. I’m Gay (or at least a little gay.)

I say use #6 Congressman, it’s okay to tell the truth…

Rep. Eric Massa was on Glenn Beck’s TV show today and made even more wild accusations regarding White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s recent behavior. Nobody at The Snark Factor was watching, but we believe these were the 6 most shocking statements made during the Glenn Beck show by Rep. Massa.

1. Rahm taped the 2008 World Series without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

2. Emanuel kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.

3. Rahm hid the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

4. Emanuel has a tramp stamp tattoo of Nancy Pelosi’s face (Massa saw it in the shower.)

5. Rahm is the President of the Mr. Belvedere fan club.

6. Emanuel owns every Spice Girls CD and once called the group “the voice of my generation.”

Serious allegations; some of which may call for a special prosecutor. I will investigate the accuracy of these charges until I take a nap.