It’s now clear that the Democrats need my help. I could have had this bill passed last year. So even though I am not a socialist, here is my advice to Speaker Pelosi that if listened to, will sway enough Democrats to vote yes for this giant crap sandwich to get it passed.

Madam Speaker, listen to me and your health care dreams will come true.

* Note, keep in mind these ideas will only work because House members never read legislation that comes up for a vote.

6 possible ways to get ObamaCare passed.

1. Tell House Democrats that they are really voting on a bill to send Rush Limbaugh to Guantanamo Bay.

2. Rename the health care bill; “The Give Representatives Pay Raises and Hookers Act of 2010.”

3. Make them believe that a yes vote will include a “Massa massage” from Rep. Eric Massa.

4. A yes voter receives a party invitation with an open bar on a flight chartered by the Speaker of the House (thanks to the U.S. military.)

5. If you vote no, Chuck Norris will not be happy.

6. A yes voter will also receive an autographed Hillary Clinton pants suit.

Speaker Pelosi, you can thank me later…

The Democrats are determined to pass their version of health care reform in the face of tremendous opposition from the American people.  Today’s poll is inspired by Congressional Democrats and the Obama Administration. Why? Because this poll gives you many terrible options and after it is done you will be left with a feeling of confusion and a sense that something was taken from you.

* Reminder, the name of the website is The Snark Factor…

There are two things I am sure you know:

1. The Health Care Summit is today.

2. Your inside source to the Health Care Summit is Fingersmalloy.com

I have a copy of the real bill. How did I get a copy? I would love to tell you, but quite honestly I am not proud of what I had to do to get my hands on the “real” bill. Next time you see me, you owe me a beer.

Here are the eight most shocking things about Obamacare. Why eight? Because if it were ten I would be ripping off David Letterman.

1. The Food and Drug Administration will mandate that all Stuckey’s restaurants replace butter with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

2. The Federal Government will take over Stuckey’s restaurants, because they are too big to fail.

3. The Obama Administration will demand Denny’s restaurants recall every serving of Moons Over My Hammy served between 2006-2010.

4. The head of the Food and Drug Administration will warn Americans to “Not eat at Denny’s.”

5. Congress will call on the President of Denny’s to testify in front of the House, to try and defend Denny’s serving bad food to drunks at 2AM all across the United States.

6. Declare Vice President Joe Biden “Batman.”

7. Outlaw Sarah Palin.

8. Create a 2800 page health care bill that no American will read and then make everyone believe Bill Gates will pay for it all.

There you have it, the inside scoop on health care. You owe me a beer.

In honor of President Obama being interviewed before the Super Bowl, I want to take a look back at his interview last year. This is a post from Fingersmalloy.com written after the Obama Super Bowl interview last year, with Matt Lauer.

Well it was that time of year again, the Super Bowl. We here at The Snark Factor decided to take a day off from doing our research in our continuing effort to bring you the best political commentary in our nation’s history. It was not an easy decision. We know how much we mean to you. However, we are all human, and the hundreds of people that bring you Fingersmalloy.com needed to let loose. The Snark Factor Super Bowl party was off the hook y’all!

We thought it would be a day without politics. That came crashing to a halt during hour 16 of the NBC Super Bowl Pre-Game Show, when Matt Lauer interviewed President Obama, live!

At that point, we knew that our hard earned break had come to an end. This is NBC and Matt Lauer, interviewing President Obama. We figured it would be entertaining and we were not disappointed. Here is a partial transcript from the interview. I must confess that none of us had a pen or notebook; it was a Super Bowl party remember? This is what we heard and how we remember the interview.

Matt Lauer: Good evening Mr. President.

President Obama: Hello Matt.

Matt Lauer: (looking into the camera) Oh my God he called me Matt! This is too cool!

President Obama: Relax Matt. We have done this before. And will you please stop trying to hump my leg.

Matt: But I did it during the whole campaign, why stop now?

President Obama: It’s not Presidential Matt, will you please just start the interview.

Matt: Sorry Mr. President. May I call you President Awesome?

President Obama: Sure Matt, whatever makes you comfortable.

Matt: President Awesome, what makes you so awesome?

President Obama: Matt, it’s important that we get the stimulus package passed.

Matt: You received not one Republican vote in the House last week? Why do the Republicans suck?

President Awesome: Matt, that was close to a real question, and I told you earlier I will not answer a real question.

Matt: You had me at hello.

President Awesome: This interview is over.

Matt: I wish I knew how to quit you.

President Awesome: Okay now you have to go.

It gets a little fuzzy after that because we stopped caring, but that is how we remember it. If you missed it, President Awesome will be on the Today Show tomorrow.

He can take over banks, GM and Chrysler, but dammit stop trashing Vegas! It’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more. I love Vegas and it is being hit hard by the recession. President Obama once again mentioned Vegas in a speech about responsibility.  The President needs to stop bashing my favorite city. 

I know that this is old news but Las Vegas Mayor Goodman is no fan of President Obama. This is a video of Mayor Goodman responding to President Obama’s remarks.

Screw health care! The Obama Administration wants to tackle the Bowl Championship Series!!!

Podcast: Download

What was real leadership like? Your Uncle Fingers plays a speech from a real leader.

Podcast: Download

Stunning political pundits today, President Obama announced that he rejected all four plans submitted to him regarding raising troop levels in Afghanistan. The President then went on to make an announcement that shook the Pentagon to its core.

“This morning, I made a decision to not send more troops to Afghanistan, ” Obama said. “The plans that were submitted looked no different to me than the failed policies that were implemented under the Bush Administration. “

Then he dropped the bombshell.

“I knew that I needed to come up with a plan all by myself. Let’s face it, I am the most brilliant man to ever hold this office. It’s up to me. It’s Obama time!”

“So I am pleased to announce that in lieu of sending more troops to Afghanistan, I am sending Lou Dobbs. He will be armed with nothing but a pocket knife and a bottle of Dewar’s. The richness of Lou’s life experience working for a network that drove millions of viewers away, and his immense hatred of people illegally crossing borders will make him the perfect man to patrol the Pakistan-Afghani border.”

Dobbs resigned from CNN on Wednesday. Immediately, there was speculation that he would run for the Senate. I tried to contact a CNN spokesman for comment, but my emails were unanswered. However, I did talk to CNN’s Larry King, who had this to say about the shocking news;

” I want my Ovaltine,” King said. “Waco, Texas hello! Caller? Caller? Ehh, next week we have some fantastic guests. Joy Baher, Dustin Diamond and Kathy Griffin. Wow, what a week!”

Bold statement Larry……