Snarky 6 – The Six Unknown Demands Of The Discovery Channel Gunman

Posted in Uncategorized on September 1st, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Earlier today, a heavily armed leftist nut-job by the name of James Jay Lee stormed the Discovery Channel Communications building in Maryland. He was motivated by his hatred for human population growth and babies that kill Mother Earth.

Hopped up on Al Gore lies and Sanka, he had a list of demands that he wanted met before he would release any hostages. For the entire text of his demands, click here.

The situation is now under control after police shot Lee. No word yet if he decided to not have the bullets removed–and relieve Mother Earth of the burden of his existence.

As you know, The Snark Factor is never satisfied unless we do our own research. I discovered six of Lee’s demands not reported by any other media outlet. This is the kind of  journalistic excellence that has not been seen since the Teapot Dome Scandal.

The Lee 6–in his own words.

1- Bring back Crystal Pepsi. I loved drinking it with slow gin.

2- I want an autographed picture of Menudo. The original lineup, NO TRICKS!

3- I want a Toyota Prius filled with the following items; 6 copies of An Inconvenient Truth, Keith Olbermann’s hair brush and a ball cap that was worn by Michael Moore.

4- I want my own show on MSNBC. In fact, give me Ed Schultz’s time slot. I also want his bucket of crazy.

5- I specifically want the 15 minutes of fame owned by D.C Douglas, minus the vinegar scent.

6- I want a beer summit with President Obama at the White House. The guest list will include Kathy Griffin, Dustin Diamond, the ghost of Gary Coleman, Carrot Top, Linda Lavin, John Cusack, Joan Cusack and Snookie.

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President Golden Girl Goes For A Bike Ride

Posted in Uncategorized on August 27th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Is…

Is this a joke?

Who in the hell is letting the President of the United States get photographed wearing that outfit???

There are pictures on the Internet of Vladimir Putin killing whales with his bare hands–and we get pics of President Grandma taking a bike ride after grabbing a fish sandwich and a Sanka at McDonald’s.

Is anyone managing the image of this man? Nice mommy jeans and helmet. Why stop with the clothes?

Hey Sally, where is the wicker basket for the front of that bike? While you’re at it, maybe throw Paris Hilton’s doggy in the basket and take her for a spin.

And people actually think this man is hip and cool?

Seriously?!?

H/T- I found the photo on Drudge Report…

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After Obama Gets Booed At Jamboree, Justice Department To Sue Boy Scouts

Posted in Uncategorized on August 9th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

After being booed by Boy Scouts at their annual Jamboree, President Obama instructed the Justice Department to sue the 100 year old organization.

This is from a written statement just released by the White House :

The President instructed his Attorney General, Eric Holder to sue Boy Scouts International for voter intimidation. We have photos of two Boy Scouts standing outside a polling station in Branson, Missouri during the 2008 Presidential election. This tyranny shall not stand.

When reached for comment, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said:

Let me be clear, we need to examine what the Boy Scouts are all about. This is an organization that dresses children in uniforms and takes them into the woods and teaches them survival techniques and other skills that are out of the mainstream.

They are just as dangerous to this country as the Michigan Militia. We are going to do what we do best in these situations, lawyer up and sue baby!

I will closely follow this story until I need a nap.

UPDATE 1:02 PM!

FBI officials along with the ATF have raided the Boy Scout Jamboree. They have confiscated 3200 pocket knives and stopped 3 Boy Scouts that were trying to help an old lady cross the street.

UPDATE!!! 2:54 PM

The FBI arrested 4 Boy Scouts for allegedly attacking an SEIU recruiter that was at the Jamboree to try to unionize the Boy Scouts. The recruiter is resting comfortably in the hospital and will be named to a position in President Obama’s Cabinet tomorrow.

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Exclusive Video Of President Obama Kicking Oil Spill Ass

Posted in Uncategorized on June 8th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

In an interview on NBC, President Obama said he met with peeps down in the Gulf in the days after the BP oil spill to determine “whose ass to kick.”

We work hard at The Snark Factor and we found video footage of Mr. Obama kicking some ass. If you have a weak stomach; I suggest that you not watch this powerful video.

Pajama Jeans; the official throwing out the first pitch and ass kicking slacks of the Obama administration.

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Snarky 6- Six Other Sources That Obama Can Go To For Oil Spill Help

Posted in Uncategorized on June 2nd, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

So, it appears the Obama administration looked to James Cameron for help with the oil spill.

From Pjstar.com:

“Top kill” didn’t stop the Gulf oil spill. How about something “titanic”?

Federal officials are hoping film director James Cameron can help them come up with ideas on how to stop the disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

The “Avatar” and “Titanic” director was among a group of scientists and other experts who met Tuesday with officials from the Environmental Protection Agency and other federal agencies for a brainstorming session on stopping the massive oil leak.

The Canadian-born Cameron is considered an expert on underwater filming and remote vehicle technologies.

At first glance it makes sense — Cameron is an expert on bloated budgets and wasting money, he should work for the feds.

But we here at The Snark Factor do our research. The staff has come up with a list of 6 sources that President Obama can turn to if Cameron blows this job like he did The Abyss.

Ben Matlock- When Obama gets into trouble, the first thing he does is turn to the lawyers. Why not hire the best lawyer of all time?

Wile E. Coyote (Super Genius) – He has a long history of coming up with inventions on the fly-and he has a great relationship with Acme, so I am sure any materials he would need would come at a discounted price.

Bobby Brown – Mr. Brown has a proven 20 year history of working well with pipes (as well as mirrors and razor blades).

The United Nations – Aren’t we supposed to go to the U.N. to solve all of our problems?

Joy Behar – We could stuff the pipe with her razor sharp wit (her Palin is so stupid jokes are fresh).

Vince Shlomi (the infomercial guy)- He can invent a giant ShamWow to soak up all the oil and fight off cannibal hookers at the same time. The man has mad skills…

H/T Tabitha Hale

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Snarky Six-6 Jobs The Obama Administration Offered Rep. Joe Sestak To Quit Pennsylvania Senate Race

Posted in Uncategorized on May 25th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Rep. Joe Sestack claimed that he was offered a job by the Obama administration to quit a primary challenge to Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter (no relation to Ronnie Spector).

Now that this story has gotten some legs in the main stream media, Sestak and the White House are dodging questions about the alleged job offer. President Obama threw his support in the primary behind Sen. Specter (no relation to Phil Spector).

From Philly.com:

Rep. Joe Sestak, the brand-new Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate from Pennsylvania, and White House press secretary Robert Gibbs each dodged questions Sunday about Sestak’s claim that the Obama administration offered him a job last summer if he would skip a primary challenge to Sen. Arlen Specter.

The issue, with implications of potential illegality by the White House, has rekindled in the five days since Sestak defeated Specter, who fled the Republican Party to seek a sixth term. GOP leaders are pressing Sestak and the administration to provide details of discussions.

During an appearance on NBC’s Meet the Press, Sestak confirmed he was offered a job. But he would not answer host David Gregory’s follow-up questions. “Anything that goes beyond that is for others to talk about,” Sestak said.

I was not satisfied with what I heard on Sunday, so I put the Snark Factor staff to work. We have uncovered 6 jobs that the Obama administration offered Rep. Sestak if he would quit his campaign. Prepare yourself, it is quite shocking.

1) Oil Spill Czar- Who wouldn’t want that job? Apparently you do nothing and get paid for it.

2) King of Detroit- I had no idea President Obama had that kind of power.

3) Secretary of Awesome- Post currently held by Scott Baio.

4) V.P. Joe Biden’s opening act at all of his speeches.

5) Event coordinator for Beer Summit II- The Wrath of Kahn.

6) The guy who wakes everyone up during a Harry Reid speech.

We will keep following this story until I get tired and need a nap.

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President Obama Does Stand-Up At The Alinsky Comedy Club

Posted in Uncategorized on April 19th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Duane Lester at AllAmericanBlogger.com recently wrote an article over at Pajamas Media analyzing President Obama’s speech that mocked opponents of ObamaCare. The Obama Administration’s mockery of concerned Americans is all part of the Alinsky playbook. The following is part of Duane’s post, plus his video response to President Obama’s stand-up comedy act.

From Pajamas Media.

Those are the words of the granddaddy of community organizers, Saul Alinsky. In his book Rules for Radicals, Alinsky wrote: “Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon. It is almost impossible to counteract ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, which then reacts to your advantage.”

On this, he’s right. Ridicule is a very potent weapon. In his book Fighting the War of Ideas like Real War: Messages to Defeat the Terrorists, J. Michael Waller explains why ridicule is such an effective weapon against one’s enemies:

  • It sticks;
  • The target can’t refute it;
  • It is almost impossible to repress;
  • It spreads on its own and multiplies with each re-telling;
  • It boosts morale at home;
  • Our enemy shows far greater intolerance to ridicule than we;
  • Ridicule divides the enemy, damages its morale, and makes it less attractive to supporters and prospective recruits; and
  • The ridicule-armed warrior need not fix a physical sight on the target. Ridicule will find its own way to the targeted individual. To the enemy, being ridiculed means losing respect. It means losing influence. It means losing followers and repelling potential new backers.

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Snarky 6- Six Explanations For Fireball In The Midwestern Sky Last Night

Posted in Snarky Six on April 15th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

A massive fireball was spotted across several states in the Midwest Wednesday night.

From CNN:

(CNN) — Authorities in several Midwestern states were flooded Wednesday night with reports of a gigantic fireball lighting up the sky, the National Weather Service said.

The fireball was visible for about 15 minutes beginning about 10 p.m., said the National Weather Service in Sullivan, Wisconsin, just west of Milwaukee.

“The fireball was seen over the northern sky, moving from west to east,” said the NWS in the Quad Cities area, which includes parts of Iowa and Illinois.

“Well before it reached the horizon, it broke up into smaller pieces and was lost from sight,” the service said. “Several reports of a prolonged sonic boom were received from areas north of Highway 20, along with shaking of homes, trees and various other objects including wind chimes,” it said.

 

There are several possible explanations for this fireball: I have come up with six.

1) The fire was the end result of an Oprah chili burp.

2) It was Paula Abdul’s career, never to be seen again.

3) The fireball was brought on by the awesomeness of KFC’s new Double Down sandwich.

4) The light in the sky was actually just Billy Mays trying to communicate with us.

5) Rahm Emanuel’s swear jar exploded.

6) Nancy Pelosi’s Aqua Net soaked hair got too close to President Obama’s cigarette…

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Snark Factor Poll-What’s Next?

Posted in Snark Factor Poll on March 22nd, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Since the government is now handing out “free health care”, I pose the following question:

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Snark Factor Morning Update 3-22, Now What???

Posted in Morning Update on March 22nd, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

They did it, now what???

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