It’s now clear that the Democrats need my help. I could have had this bill passed last year. So even though I am not a socialist, here is my advice to Speaker Pelosi that if listened to, will sway enough Democrats to vote yes for this giant crap sandwich to get it passed.

Madam Speaker, listen to me and your health care dreams will come true.

* Note, keep in mind these ideas will only work because House members never read legislation that comes up for a vote.

6 possible ways to get ObamaCare passed.

1. Tell House Democrats that they are really voting on a bill to send Rush Limbaugh to Guantanamo Bay.

2. Rename the health care bill; “The Give Representatives Pay Raises and Hookers Act of 2010.”

3. Make them believe that a yes vote will include a “Massa massage” from Rep. Eric Massa.

4. A yes voter receives a party invitation with an open bar on a flight chartered by the Speaker of the House (thanks to the U.S. military.)

5. If you vote no, Chuck Norris will not be happy.

6. A yes voter will also receive an autographed Hillary Clinton pants suit.

Speaker Pelosi, you can thank me later…

Rumors spread rampant over the Internet today that American Idol may not name its winner based on a public vote, but instead a winner may be picked (or “deemed”) by Simon Cowell.

This power grab by Cowell has been called the “Slaughter Solution,”  named after the craptastic 80′s hair band Slaughter. Fans reacted immediately; American Idol fan John Francis told the Snark Factor:

This is bulls**t. Who does Cowell think he is? This is a democracy, he wants to be a dictator. Wait, what’s The Snark Factor?

The Fox Network had no comment on the Idol controversy. When I find out more I will update this site immediately.

*UPDATE!!! 

Apparently I have been duped. The person I talked to got American Idol mixed up with ObamaCare. There will, I repeat, there WILL be a vote to determine the winner of American Idol. I contacted Idol fan John Francis and told him the good news. He said:

Wow, I was scared there for a minute that my rights were being taken away. I’m glad it’s just health care and not Idol. I knew deep down Simon wouldn’t let me down.

The Democrats are determined to pass their version of health care reform in the face of tremendous opposition from the American people.  Today’s poll is inspired by Congressional Democrats and the Obama Administration. Why? Because this poll gives you many terrible options and after it is done you will be left with a feeling of confusion and a sense that something was taken from you.

* Reminder, the name of the website is The Snark Factor…

It looks like the Dems are going to go it alone on health care. This is from a story on Breitbart.com:

One senior Democratic congressional aide, speaking on condition of anonymity, said Obama “gave folks 4-6 weeks before we go it alone” without Republican support.

6 weeks huh? So the topic of tonight’s Snark Factor Poll is the magical deadline.

For the entire Breitbart article, click here.

There are two things I am sure you know:

1. The Health Care Summit is today.

2. Your inside source to the Health Care Summit is Fingersmalloy.com

I have a copy of the real bill. How did I get a copy? I would love to tell you, but quite honestly I am not proud of what I had to do to get my hands on the “real” bill. Next time you see me, you owe me a beer.

Here are the eight most shocking things about Obamacare. Why eight? Because if it were ten I would be ripping off David Letterman.

1. The Food and Drug Administration will mandate that all Stuckey’s restaurants replace butter with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

2. The Federal Government will take over Stuckey’s restaurants, because they are too big to fail.

3. The Obama Administration will demand Denny’s restaurants recall every serving of Moons Over My Hammy served between 2006-2010.

4. The head of the Food and Drug Administration will warn Americans to “Not eat at Denny’s.”

5. Congress will call on the President of Denny’s to testify in front of the House, to try and defend Denny’s serving bad food to drunks at 2AM all across the United States.

6. Declare Vice President Joe Biden “Batman.”

7. Outlaw Sarah Palin.

8. Create a 2800 page health care bill that no American will read and then make everyone believe Bill Gates will pay for it all.

There you have it, the inside scoop on health care. You owe me a beer.

Day 6 of Palmgate and unrest has spread to Iran. Thousands of protesters rushed into the streets of Tehran to demonstrate, as frustration mounts over the continuing mystery as to what exactly Sarah Palin had written on her hand during her teabagger speech on Saturday.

It is no coincidence that this protest and Iran declaring itself a nuclear state was announced on Sarah Palin’s birthday. What are you hiding Governor Palin? When will the madness stop? What was on your hand?*

*I get all of my news from Keith Olbermann

Here is a video of the real protest. While liberals are focused on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and Obamacare the Iranians are staying busy.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Senator Max Baucus debates Jim Beam on the Senate floor. Listen to the Snark Factor Morning Update by clicking on the player below. I also provided the video, because I am fair and balanced. Enjoy…

Podcast: Download

MTV, ObamaCare and Jesus houses? It’s all right here!

Podcast: Download

The first Snark Factor Morning Update. ObamaCare, Climate Change and more!!

Podcast: Download