More Shocking Revelations From WikiLeaks

Posted on November 30th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

WikiLeaks has struck again. Two days ago, the website released 250,000 US cables illegally obtained by Australian hippie hacker Julian Assange. The cables contained correspondence between U.S. diplomats that contained sensitive information.

Here are some juicy details about the WikiLeaks document dump from Yahoo News:

Allegations from the 250,000 cables include that Iran’s supreme leader has cancer and will die “within months” and that Saudi King Abdullah urged the US to attack Iran and “cut off the head of the snake” over its nuclear program.

The Snark Factor has gone over all 250,000 cables for you, our faithful readers. I personally have read 140,000 cables. During that time, I consumed 3 Five Hour Energy shots, 7 pots of coffee and enough crystal meth to kill four mules.

But it was worth it. I have uncovered new information from WikiLinks about secrets that the United States government has tried to hide for decades. Prepare to be shocked.

  1. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter was invented by the CIA as a mind control chemical agent to make Americans like Ryan Seacrest.
  2. Meghan McCain is a FemBot built by the National Organization for Women to make real blondes “look smarter” when compaired to the dim-witted McCain.
  3. President Barack Obama was briefly the lead singer of the left-wing, post-punk British rock group Scritti Politti.
  4. Joy Behar kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, dumped a fake baby body to fool police into thinking he was dead–and raised the boy as her own. She renamed the lad ”Rob Reiner.”
  5. George Soros secretly founded Halliburton Corporation with the help of Che Guevara and Don Knotts in 1957.
  6. Every bridge in the United States is secretly owned by Ross Perot and Ron Paul. Under every bridge you can find a pot of gold.
  7. Vice President Joe Biden is Snookie’s father. 
  8. Governor Sarah Palin wrote the song Who Let the Dogs Out?
  9. Kathy Griffin is a comedian.
  10. Nancy Grace can comfortably house a family of four in her nostrils.

 I will continue to read these documents until my head falls off…

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Snarky Six–6 Alternative Names For The Rent Is Too Damn High Party

Posted on October 21st, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

There was only one reason to watch Monday night’s New York Gubernatorial debate–and that reason was Jimmy McMillan, candidate from ”The Rent Is Too Damn High” Party.

Here are some of his highlights:

I talked to a Rent is Too Damn High supporter yesterday. She told me that they had other names in the running for their movement before they finally agreed on The Rent is Too Damn High Party.*

The following is a list of six other names that they almost picked, before finally settling on The Rent is Too Damn High. I think Mr. McMillan made a wise choice.

1) You Take The Good You Take The Bad You Take Them Both and There You Have The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life… Party

2) I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt–Too Sexy for My Shirt–So Sexy it Hurts… Party

3) The Meghan McCain Toga Party

4) Rollin’ in My 5.0 with My Rag-Top Down so My Hair Can Blow… Party

5) Pants on the Ground, Lookin’ Like a Fool with Your Pants on the Ground, With the Gold in Your Mouth, Hat Turned Sideways Pants Hit the Ground, Call Yourself a Cool Cat Lookin’ Like a Fool, Walkin’ to the Town with Your Pants on the Ground… Party

6) The Whig Party II–The Wrath of Kahn… Party

*Warning, may not be true…
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Meghan McCain’s Dirty, Sexy Politics–A Book Review By The Snark Factor

Posted on September 14th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Never have I read a finer piece of literature than Dirty, Sexy Politics.

NEVER!

Meghan McCain is a 21st century treasure. She is Shakespeare, Mark Twain and Perez Hilton all rolled into one.

Meghan McCain is to literature what syphilis is to literature.

Meghan McCain is to political punditry what Fingers Malloy is to political punditry.

Finally, Meghan McCain is to Dirty, Sexy Politics what John McCain is to Dirty, Sexy Politics–something that half the time pretends to be something it is not–and in the end is a complete waste of your time and energy.

Let me share with you an excerpt from this tome. In Chapter 3, Meghan talks about her first experience at an In-N-Out Burger:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the age of wisdom at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the age of foolishness at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the epoch of belief at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the epoch of incredulity at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the season of Light at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the season of Darkness at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the spring of hope at the In-N-Out Burger, it was the winter of despair, for the In-N-Out Burger’s shake machine was down.

After tasting In-N-Out’s Double Double burger, We had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. Sarah Palin sucks.

And finally Meghan, I say this–it is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known–after reading Dirty, Sexy Politics.

That was truly the best 20 bucks I have ever spent.

Thank you Meghan McCain.

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for Dirty, Sexy Politics.

H/T Charles Dickens

*Warning! Book reviewer may not have read the book.

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Snark Factor Poll-Meh, Liberals

Posted on March 8th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Kathy Griffin went up to Alaska to make fun of Sarah Palin. We will be ripping Kathy a new one here soon, but until then I ask you:

* Adding Mitt Romney was my little joke. Meghan McCain is everyone’s litt…

Yeah she’s a joke too…

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Snark Factor Poll- Which is Worse?

Posted on March 4th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

The Democrats are determined to pass their version of health care reform in the face of tremendous opposition from the American people.  Today’s poll is inspired by Congressional Democrats and the Obama Administration. Why? Because this poll gives you many terrible options and after it is done you will be left with a feeling of confusion and a sense that something was taken from you.

* Reminder, the name of the website is The Snark Factor…

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Snark Factor Poll-Where Do You Get Your News?

Posted on March 1st, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

The mainstream media continues to bleed money. ABC News just announced major cutbacks with hundreds getting pink slips. So, I ask the question:

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Snarky Six. Vice President Biden’s Unknown Duties

Posted on February 26th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

A minor stink was raised yesterday after Joe was caught being Joe. Here is C-SPAN’s coverage of the Vice President’s announcement that he doesn’t do anything. It was the only news to come out of the Health Care Summit.

To celebrate Joe being Joe, The Snark Factor will now reveal the 6 duties of the Vice President that the general public does not know. You can thank me later.

1. He secretly replaces all the White House coffee with Folgers Crystals.

2. V.P. Biden counts Michelle Obama’s reps during her arm curl workouts.

3. Joe Biden is Batman

4. The V.P. is responsible for all prank phone calls to John McCain. Senator McCain still falls for the “Prince Albert in a Can” trick.

5. He rubs Rahm Emanuel’s belly when he gets “cranky.”

6. Biden performs dramatic readings of Meghan McCain’s tweets at the State Department.

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New Snark Factor Poll on Health Care Reform

Posted on February 25th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy
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New Fast Fingers Poll

Posted on February 11th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy
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Snark Factor Update 12-30

Posted on December 30th, 2009 by Fingers Malloy

Sulu Mccain

Sulu reads Meghan McCain tweets from her Twitter account. It’s a sample of what you can hear on The Snark Factor Radio Program, Wednesdays at 8PM eastern on RFC Radio.

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