There are two things I am sure you know:

1. The Health Care Summit is today.

2. Your inside source to the Health Care Summit is Fingersmalloy.com

I have a copy of the real bill. How did I get a copy? I would love to tell you, but quite honestly I am not proud of what I had to do to get my hands on the “real” bill. Next time you see me, you owe me a beer.

Here are the eight most shocking things about Obamacare. Why eight? Because if it were ten I would be ripping off David Letterman.

1. The Food and Drug Administration will mandate that all Stuckey’s restaurants replace butter with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

2. The Federal Government will take over Stuckey’s restaurants, because they are too big to fail.

3. The Obama Administration will demand Denny’s restaurants recall every serving of Moons Over My Hammy served between 2006-2010.

4. The head of the Food and Drug Administration will warn Americans to “Not eat at Denny’s.”

5. Congress will call on the President of Denny’s to testify in front of the House, to try and defend Denny’s serving bad food to drunks at 2AM all across the United States.

6. Declare Vice President Joe Biden “Batman.”

7. Outlaw Sarah Palin.

8. Create a 2800 page health care bill that no American will read and then make everyone believe Bill Gates will pay for it all.

There you have it, the inside scoop on health care. You owe me a beer.