Dear America:

Hey buddy, it’s your pal Fingers. We have had some great times together. Remember Crystal Pepsi? No? Moving on.

Listen, this whole Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars thing–yeah we need to talk.

I will first start off with my conservative friends. Trying to get Bristol to win is not some sort of victory for us all. The only thing you are doing by obsessing with this is making yourselves look bad. It’s a TV show.

To my liberal friends–I know you have had a bad couple of weeks. And Bristol may win Dancing with the Stars. But there is no reason to let your heads explode thinking that this is some sort of tea party victory. It’s a TV Show–which leads me to speak with everyone else.

Stop watching Dancing with the Stars!

What the hell is wrong with you people?!?

You pop your popcorn with breathless anticipation to see this show?

You fill your DVR’s with hours of this crap? WHY???

And it’s bad enough that you watch this shit, but then you make it worse by making everyone else hear about it the next day.

“Did you see David Hasselhoff try and do the Cha Cha last night? He looked silly.”

Of course he looked silly, he was drunk! Oh, and while on his 8th whiskey sour, some TV producer whispered in his ear that he should do the flippin Cha Cha!

The man was freakin Knight Rider and now he is drunk, doing the Lindy for your amusement???

What have you done to Hasselhoff America?

What have we done to ourselves?

UPDATE!

Thanks to The Other McCain for the Link love!

And thanks to The amatoactivists Daily!

Thanks to Linkiest for the link love!

Oliver Stone stirred up controversy with comments he made about Adolf Hitler and the Jews. If you want some background on what he said, click on this link to an article in The Daily Mail.

I wanted to get to the bottom of some of his hateful, anti-Semitic rhetoric. So I set up a fake interview with Mr. Stone. His schedule was wide open for The Snark Factor, mostly because the interview never took place. But if it did, I imagine it would go something like this.

Fingers Malloy- Mr. Stone, thank you for joining me.

Oliver Stone- No problem, unless you are a filthy Jew. If that’s the case you need to go dominate the media somewhere else.

FM- Wow, again with the Jews Mr. Stone?  You really believe they run the…

OS- (Interrupts) I want to clear the air on my comments about the Jews running the media. Of course I was exaggerating. Not all Jews run the media. Just one. His name is Sal Schwartz. He drinks a lot of coffee and has a cocaine problem, but he monitors all the media. He looks to screw anyone who says anything bad about Israel. He never sleeps. I want him dead.

FM- You aren’t serious?

OS- One time he ventured outside his Jew bunker. I hit him with my car. He went back and to the left. Back and to the left. Back and to the left. But then he got up, like some sort of Hebrew cyborg. It was the damnedest thing. If you read this Sal, your kosher ass is mine. Feel me?

FM- Yeah, um let’s switch gears and talk about your remarks on Hitler.

OS- I know what you are doing here and I am going to put a stop to it. Yes Hitler was a bad guy, but in the grand scheme of things much worse has come from Germany than Hitler. Have you heard German electronic techno music? Hitler is so 1938, but that music is killing people right now. And let’s not even discuss Kathy Griffin.

FM- Kathy Griffin?

OS- Yes Kathy Griffin, she’s worse than Hitler. At least Hitler forced those people into the ovens. Kathy Griffin makes me want to stick my head in an oven. And to think, she had to pay Levi Johnston to hang out with HER. What does that tell you about her and the Germans? And I will not even mention Hasselhoff.

FM- You are quite mad sir.

OS- I like orange marmalade.