This post originally appeared at NewsReal Blog.

The White House today announced the suspension of all military operations in Libya effective immediately after it was discovered that the rebels fighting to oust Libyan leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi are being fully funded by the conservative Koch Brothers. Over the years the billionaire Koch brothers have donated millions of dollars to right wing think tanks, and now they want to expand their reach to the Middle East.

From the beginning of the Libyan uprising, there have been questions as to who the rebels are–and who is supporting them. Many had speculated that the Muslim Brotherhood, Hezbollah or even Al Qaeda were backing the Libyan rebel forces.

But an internal rebel document uncovered by Media Matters contains detailed rebel plans for the eventual overthrow of the Gaddafi regime. After the regime change, they will form a new political party named:

Prosperity for

All the

LIbyan

Nation…or PALIN.

Once the State Department caught wind of the Koch brothers/PALIN connection, officials immediately made a 3:00 AM phone call to the White House. Nobody answered the phone.

Fortunately, the State Department was aware of an 8:00 AM tee time that President Obama had scheduled today at the Washington Golf and Country Club–where he was then briefed on the whole situation at the fifth tee by Vice President Biden, Joy Behar and Danny Bonaduce.

The White House later released a statement explaining why it was decided to end all military operations in Libya.

While we can all agree that Muammar Gaddafi has been a brutal dictator that has thrived on the murder and the suffering of his own people, he’s not as bad as the Koch brothers. We have uncovered plans by the Koch/PALIN alliance to bring the flat tax to Libya. They are also plotting to eliminate collective bargaining rights in Tripoli.

Let me be clear, we can not allow the gains that the Libyan people have made to be wiped out by risky free market schemes. So we will withdraw all of our forces and immediately turn over all military command and control decisions over to the French. That should end well.

After the news broke of the Koch Brothers’ influence in Libya, an exasperated Chris Matthews went on MSNBC and had this to say:

Is this what it has come down to? Look Gadhafi is no saint. He has murdered and tortured his own people. And yes there are many political prisoners in Libya–but at least he wants to provide his people health care. You think a Koch or PALIN cares about health care? Clearly we can now see that the Libyan uprising is not about freedom–and all about oil. Have we checked to see if Halliburton is in on this too?

NewsReal will continue to cover this story as developments…develop.

Fingers hosts The Snark Factor Radio Program on FTR Radio. His website can be found at FingersMalloy.com. Follow Fingers on Twitter here.

If you want to know more about illegal immigration and border security issues, Roger Hedgecock is your man. In an interview during the Wednesday edition of The Roger Hedgecock Show, Congressman Darrell Issa announced that his committee will investigate the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives over its alleged role in gun trafficking to the Mexican drug cartel.

Here is the entire interview, courtesy of The Roger Hedgecock Show.

This post originally appeared on Parcbench.

“Ask Fingers” is a new advice column for Parcbench readers. Fingers Malloy has no experience as a relationship, financial or career counselor. In fact, we aren’t entirely sure that he has ever been married, owned stock or even gainfully employed. Fingers claims to have been a bartender in the 1990′s, which is good enough for us.

Dear Fingers: When I grow up I want to be like you, how do I make that happen?–Mark in Indianapolis

Mark that’s not an easy question for me to answer. How the hell do I know your social status? Are you a spaz? Do you get nervous around girls? Are you a nervous spaz around girls?

I want to help you, so I will assume that are a normal college kid. If you want to grow up like me, you will have to study hard in school (if you go to a community college, God help you).

So every day when you get home from school, drink up to 80 ounces of malt liquor. King Cobra was my brand. But don’t be afraid to mix in a little Olde English 800. Then you need to watch one movie over and over again…Porky’s.

Don’t let anyone talk you into watching Porky’s Two or Porky’s Three. The original Porky’s is the best of the Porky’s trilogy. Drinking gallons of malt liquor and viewing Porky’s 20 times a week made me the man that I am today. Good luck Mark.

Dear Fingers: As a Right Wing Extremist, what other accessories should I wear with my Jack Boots and BDU Pants besides my Charlie Sheen crack rock Machete?–Mike in Texas

Mike that’s not an easy question for me to answer. How the hell do I know if you can pull off a true right wing extremist look. If you are a Republican, I am assuming that you are white. The media says you are probably a racist–and being that you live in Texas I am guessing that they are right.

Have no fear Mike, we can get through this together. When in doubt, there is one right wing extremist that set the standard for us all. Buy yourself a tan jacket, a black turtleneck and Haggar slacks. Then you will truly look like the original American right wing extremist.

Rick Astley-- Possible Nazi Fascist*

Dear Fingers: Who put the bop in the bop sh’bop sh’bop?–Paul in Texas

She's holding a book

*Rick Astley is not a right wing extremist. He’s also not a Nazi, Fascist or relevant…

Submit your question for “Ask Fingers” by email (Fingers@parcbench.com).

This post originally appeared on Parcbench.

“Ask Fingers” is a new advice column for Parcbench readers. Fingers Malloy has no experience as a relationship, financial or career counselor. In fact, we aren’t entirely sure that he has ever been married, owned stock or even gainfully employed. Fingers claims to have been a bartender in the 1990′s, which is good enough for us.

Dear Fingers: How can I get girls to like me?– John in New York

John, that’s not an easy question for me to answer. How in the hell do I know what you look like? For all I know, you have photos on Facebook of yourself in a Members Only jacket.  

But you asked, so I will try to not let you down. Clean yourself up. Get a sporty new haircut. Go to Walmart and buy yourself some nice smelling aftershave (women really like Brut or Jovan).

Then go find a girl. As we all know, the best place to find a long lasting romance is in a strip club. After a few couch dances, turn on your charm and ask that special lady out on a date. Act desperate. Women love desperate, needy men.

Once you score that first date with Sinnamon, pester her for a second. Don’t let up –and don’t take no for an answer. Let this video be your inspiration. Good luck John.

Dear Fingers: Do you think I should move back to Wisconsin and run against a flee-bag Democrat State Senator?–Sean in DC

Sean, that’s not an easy question for me to answer. How the hell do I know if you are qualified for such a respected position? I think some self examination is necessary on your part to figure out if you have what it takes to be a Wisconsin State Senator. Here is a quick checklist:

• Have you ever paid for sex?
• Do you drink every night to the point of unconsciousness?
• Have you ever paid for sex while drinking to the point of unconsciousness?
• Can you be bought off?
• When times get tough, do you run?

If you answer yes to all of these questions, you are well on your way to a fulfilling career in public service. Godspeed Sean.

Dear Fingers: What is Martinizing, and why does it only take an hour?–Beregond in North Carolina

Nobody knows sir…nobody knows.

Submit your question for “Ask Fingers” by email (Fingers@parcbench.com).