Imagine if you will, it was the best of days–it was the worst of days. A labor union is paying a man (who we will now refer to as Lefty) to protest a right wing extremist group…or something.

Lefty and several of his comrades are riding in a sweet Greyhound bus on the way to the protest. Sure his flask is already empty, but he still has half a pack of Kool menthol cigarettes and a full can of Red Bull. Lefty is riding high on a whiskey, tobacco and sugar buzz. He feels unstoppable.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Tabitha Hale of FreedomWorks is just wrapping up her lunch hour Bible Study group. She looks out the window and sees an old lady, struggling to cross the street. Tabitha runs outside immediately to help the old spinster. How could she not? It is her way.

Little did Tabitha know that her selfless act helping Joy Behar cross the street would cost her dearly. Did Tabitha realize that she was about to lose part of her wide eyed innocence to the hands of a union thug? How could she?

How could she?

Meanwhile Lefty has arrived at the protest location. In his head, he can only hear the song “You’re the Best” by Joe Esposito from The Karate Kid Soundtrack. You remember the fight montage from The Karate Kid.

You’re the best…around
Nothing’s ever going to keep you down
You’re the best…around
Nothing’s ever going to keep you down

Suddenly Lefty sees a filthy capitalist pig in the courtyard. It’s some dude from FreedomWorks. With the upbeat tempo of Joe Esposito pulsing through his head–and a mix of cheap liquor and nicotine in his blood, Lefty is fired up. He’s mad as hell and he’s not going to take it anymore!

A loud argument commences.

Tabitha hears shouting. She quickly slips the homeless man she was comforting a fifty dollar bill and rushes to the scene. The blogger in Tabitha makes her pull out her iPhone to videotape the confrontation.

Lefty is screaming that his Che Guevara tramp stamp tattoo inspires his comrades to fight corporate fat cats. He turns and sees Tabitha holding her iPhone, recording every word.

That iPhone…manufactured in China.
That iPhone…made by a corporation.

Angry thoughts start swirling in Lefty’s head; Halliburton, China, corporate fat cats, You’re the best around, the Koch Brothers, Wisconsin, Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, FreedomWorks, You’re the best around, Americans for Prosperity, Walmart, RedEye w/Greg Gutfeld, the Teapot Dome Scandal, The Karate Kid, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, Ryan Seacrest, Happy Meals, SUV’s, Forrest Gump, Dick Cheney and Snookie.

Lefty snaps. Let’s go to the videotape.

Mainstream media reaction over this steel cage death match was fast and furious. Katie Couric began CBS Evening News with her thoughts on Tabithagate:

Today in Washington DC, a rabid right-wing Tea Party succubus attacked an elderly labor advocate during a peaceful demonstration outside the headquarters of FreedomWorks.

FreedomWorks, the radical right-wing hate group, has been a strong ally of the racist Tea Party movement. Ms. Hale attacked the elderly gentleman with her cell phone. Then in an attempt to break his spirit, she headbutted his handmade protest sign. I didn’t attempt to reach FreedomWorks for comment.

And there was this from CNN:

Tonight on an all new Piers Morgan Show, Tea Party violence breaks out again in the streets of DC. Will the National Guard need to step in? We discuss this–and ask if Sarah Palin is an idiot with guests Arianna Huffington, Bill Maher, Kathy Griffin, Joy Behar, Rob Reiner and the ghost of Ted Kennedy.

What can we take away from this incident? I will let you decide. Tabitha left the scene unscathed. But did America? Only time will tell.

Only time will tell…*

Fingers hosts The Snark Factor Radio Program on FTR Radio. His website can be found at FingersMalloy.com. Follow Fingers on Twitter here.

*Warning, dramatization. Certain events documented here may not have happened.

This post originally appeared on NewsReal Blog.

I have been following the developements in Madison over the past few days with dismay. I am very upset about the pure hate many consevatives have been spewing towards Wisconsen teachers protesting Governor Walkers union busting tactics. I take this personally because I am part of the Madison Wisconsen Sweet Valley High School graduating class of 1990.

I got a qualitie education in Madisen. The teachers were top notch. They cared about me 1st and there well being second. When my teacher called in sick I was pretty sure it was because she was sick. Almost all my teachers never carried a flask. And those that did told me that they had filled it with Yoo-Hoo.

As you know, certain moments you share with teachers in high school you remember for the wrest of you’re life. I remember my 9th grade history teacher, Mrs. Fauxcher. After about a month of hearing how America was discovered and eventually colonized by white devils, I had a question about Christopher Columbus.

Mrs. Fauxcher told me to grab a cucumber like my other classmates so she could show me how to properlie put on a condom. At the time I thought it was stupid, since all Madisen public school students learn how to put on a condom in the 2nd grade. But she was right about columbus and condoms. That allways stuck with me.

Fast forward 20 years later and Governer Walker is throwing around all sorts or ridiculous demands. He wants teachers to pay 6% of they’re pay towards there pensions and pay 12% of they’re health care benefits. Follow me on this because I know that numbers are confusing. That’s allmost 32% of they’re income. Why does Walker hate teachers. Is it because he only wants rich people to have money.

I will stay silent know more. I want my fellow Madisen Sweet Valley High alums to speak out to. I am specifically urging Dustin Diamond, Linda Lavin, Dana Plato, Snooki and Kathy Griffin to come out against Walkers attack on unions and public schools.

A public school education got me ware I am today. So I thank you Madisen teachers. God bless you all!

Fingers hosts The Snark Factor Radio Program on FTR Radio. His website can be found at FingersMalloy.com. Follow Fingers on Twitter here.

Photo credit Globaleconomicanalysis.blogspot.com

Just a few weeks ago in San Diego, I had the privilege of seeing a documentary tackling the current state of education in America called “The Cartel.”

Due to the events unfolding in Wisconsin, I believe it is very important for people to see this film. Yes–there are many fine teachers trapped in a failing system. Many of the teachers in the Madison school district did not call in sick. The protests in Wisconsin have more to do with a union that is drunk with power than the average teacher trying to do his or her job.

But we can not ignore any longer the fact that teachers unions in this country are out of control. ”The Cartel” shines light on a few failing school districts–and the unions in the system that fight change.

Here is the movie trailer. For more information, go to www.TheCartelMovie.com.

My thanks to Americans for Prosperity for putting together a great event during School Choice Week.

The Snark Factor travels to San Diego for an Americans for Prosperity–Western Right Online training session. My guests are nationally syndicated radio talk show host Roger Hedgecock, Hot Air’s Ed Morrissey and Andrew Breitbartof the Breitbart media empire.

I also give you a preview of the MUST SEE school choice documentary, The Cartel.

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Two of my favorite ladies on the Internet are Kerrie and Sharon Heretic of The Liberal Heretic. They join me on this episode of The Snark Factor and radio hijinx soon follows!

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He's mocking me.

In addition to providing world class political commentary at NewsReal, I also host a talk show over at FTR Radio. This past weekend, FTR Radio provided live coverage of all things CPAC 2011.

Over the course of the weekend we were able to get a lot of great interviews. The most surprising person that we got to talk to at CPAC was Academy Award winning actor, Richard Dreyfuss. Read more »

Kucinich to strangle the Sphinx

In an announcement that shocked political pundits from Cleveland to Cairo, Rep. Dennis Kucinich threw his hat into the ring in a bid to become the new President of Egypt.

At a press conference underneath a rainbow near a pot of gold–Kucinich made the case for his campaign:

Look, I want to be the president of something. I ran for President of the United States, of the Dustin Diamond fan club and of our fantasy football league. I lost every race.

But this time I have an ace in the hole. Howard Dean agreed to be my running mate. Once we win this election and I am the Egyptian President, people will look to Egypt as the Cleveland of the Middle East.

During an emotional pitch at a press conference inside a Stuckey’s restaurant in Dayton Ohio, Howard Dean pulled no punches:

Dennis and I are not only going to Suez, Tom Harkin. We’re going to Taba and Luxor and Aswan and Girga. Then we are going to Helwan and Port Said and up the Nile to Cairo, to take back the Abdeen Palace…Yeah!!!

Kucinich went on to say that he is going to run on his pet issue–bringing the Fairness Doctrine to Egypt (note to Rachel Maddow, this is satire).

Right-wing talk radio dominates the airwaves in Cairo. It is filled with bile and it is the reason that there are riots in the streets. It must be balanced.

In an attempt to show my fellow Egyptians what successful leftest radio sounds like, I have already inked Alan Colmes to a 3 year contract with Cairo’s number one talk radio station, ABBA.

The number one radio talk show host in Cairo–El Rushie Limbaughli Bech, is skeptical of what a President Dennis Kucinich could bring to Egypt (attention Rachel Maddow, this is satire).

Kucinich is a pinko leftist. We do not want socialism here in Egypt. We want a government that hearkens back to the principles of our Phounding Pharaohs.

We will report more on this important story as developments…develop (attention Rachel Maddow, this is satire).

This was cross posted on NewsReal Blog.

This is a preview of my interview with Andrew Breitbart of Big Government, Big Journalism, hell Big Everything. In this clip we discuss  The Pigford Report.

To listen to the entire interview, check out The Snark Factor radio program–tonight, 9PM EST on FTR Radio.

*photo from LA Times

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Listen to a clip from my interview with nationally syndicated radio talk show host Roger Hedgecock. To hear to the entire interview, listen to The Snark Factor radio program Wednesday, 9PM EST only on FTR Radio.

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