WikiLeaks has struck again. Two days ago, the website released 250,000 US cables illegally obtained by Australian hippie hacker Julian Assange. The cables contained correspondence between U.S. diplomats that contained sensitive information.

Here are some juicy details about the WikiLeaks document dump from Yahoo News:

Allegations from the 250,000 cables include that Iran’s supreme leader has cancer and will die “within months” and that Saudi King Abdullah urged the US to attack Iran and “cut off the head of the snake” over its nuclear program.

The Snark Factor has gone over all 250,000 cables for you, our faithful readers. I personally have read 140,000 cables. During that time, I consumed 3 Five Hour Energy shots, 7 pots of coffee and enough crystal meth to kill four mules.

But it was worth it. I have uncovered new information from WikiLinks about secrets that the United States government has tried to hide for decades. Prepare to be shocked.

1. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter was invented by the CIA as a mind control chemical agent to make Americans like Ryan Seacrest.
2. Meghan McCain is a FemBot built by the National Organization for Women to make real blondes “look smarter” when compaired to the dim-witted McCain.
3. President Barack Obama was briefly the lead singer of the left-wing, post-punk British rock group Scritti Politti.
4. Joy Behar kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, dumped a fake baby body to fool police into thinking he was dead–and raised the boy as her own. She renamed the lad ”Rob Reiner.”
5. George Soros secretly founded Halliburton Corporation with the help of Che Guevara and Don Knotts in 1957.
6. Every bridge in the United States is secretly owned by Ross Perot and Ron Paul. Under every bridge you can find a pot of gold.
7. Vice President Joe Biden is Snookie’s father. 
8. Governor Sarah Palin wrote the song Who Let the Dogs Out?
9. Kathy Griffin is a comedian.
10. Nancy Grace can comfortably house a family of four in her nostrils.

 I will continue to read these documents until my head falls off…

The headline from Drudge Report got my attention:

Wild Turkeys Terrorize NYC Neighborhood…

How could I not investigate this story further???

From MyFoxNY.com:

MYFOXNY.COM – The streets of the South Beach section of Staten Island are a bit more crowded in recent times. Dozens and dozens of turkeys run wild in the vicinity of Seaview Avenue: On the grass, side streets, and on the busy main streets.

The birds cause major traffic headaches, according to residents.

Fox 5 saw one turkey playing chicken with a car. The bird just stood there, until the driver gave in and went around.

One woman recently said she was trapped in her car after turkeys jumped onto her windshield.

“Sometimes you have to stop you have to wait five to ten minutes at a time, I’ve seen them here since I was a kid,” one man said.

City law protects the wild turkeys from hunters so the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation is apparently considering taking steps to manage the birds. The DEC has sent out surveys to people in the area to see what they think about the issue.

The flock, numbering around a 100 birds, starting forming about a decade ago when a woman released a small number of the birds.

As you know, The Snark Factor is the last place on the web that practices investigative journalism. We found out where these wild turkeys came from. This shocking video provides clear evidence that once again, man is responsible for turning these turkeys into ferocious animals…

Okay, truth be told no baby seal will be harmed if you do not hit Jimmie Bise’s tip jar– but do it anyway. Jimmie got in a fight with his Ford and his Ford is winning. He’s a great guy, a fantastic blogger and hosts one of the best podcasts in town!

To read more about what I am talking about AND to hit his donate button, head over to The Sundries Shack. Thanks.

Your pal,

Fingers

Here we go!

1) “Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

2) “I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

3) “On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes — and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

4) “What they’ll say is, ‘Well it costs too much money,’ but you know what? It would cost, about… It — it — it would cost about the same as what we would spend… It… Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it would costs us… (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to… It… It would cost us about the same as it would cost for about — hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though. I’m glad.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

5) “The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

6) “I bowled a 129. It’s like – it was like the Special Olympics, or something.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

7) “Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago to some of the most difficult questions of our time.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

8)  “Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a, a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

9) “It was … interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of — I don’t know what the term is in Austrian — wheeling and dealing…”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

10) “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

So yes, all but one of these gems came from President Obama. Before I start hearing from libs about how stupid Sarah Palin is, I remind you that you can get all of your Sarah Palin bashing at a number places, including but not limited to:

The Huffington Post
The Daily Kos
MoveOn.org
Media Matters
Comedy Central
ABC News
NBC News
CBS News
MSNBC
CNN
The New York Times
The Washington Post
The Los Angeles Times
Saturday Night Live
The View
Sesame Street
Dora the Explorer
iCarly

I could go on but you get the point. In the end, all politicians say stupid things. The difference is that if you are lucky enough to be a democrat and say something dumb, you get a free pass (see Joe Biden).

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go brush up on my Austrian…

It is time for the new game that is sweeping the country–Who Said It?

The rules are simple. I will give you a quote and you have to guess what great American said it. Your three choices are President Barack Obama, former Vice President Dan Quayle or former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

Here we go!

1) “Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

2) “I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

3) “On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes — and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

4) “What they’ll say is, ‘Well it costs too much money,’ but you know what? It would cost, about… It — it — it would cost about the same as what we would spend… It… Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it would costs us… (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to… It… It would cost us about the same as it would cost for about — hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though. I’m glad.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

5) “The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

6) “I bowled a 129. It’s like – it was like the Special Olympics, or something.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

7) “Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago to some of the most difficult questions of our time.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

8)  “Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a, a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

9) “It was … interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of — I don’t know what the term is in Austrian — wheeling and dealing…”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

10) “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

A. Barack Obama
B. Dan Quayle
C. Sarah Palin

Answers to this quiz will be posted tomorrow…

Thanks to Linkiest for the link love!

Dear America:

Hey buddy, it’s your pal Fingers. We have had some great times together. Remember Crystal Pepsi? No? Moving on.

Listen, this whole Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars thing–yeah we need to talk.

I will first start off with my conservative friends. Trying to get Bristol to win is not some sort of victory for us all. The only thing you are doing by obsessing with this is making yourselves look bad. It’s a TV show.

To my liberal friends–I know you have had a bad couple of weeks. And Bristol may win Dancing with the Stars. But there is no reason to let your heads explode thinking that this is some sort of tea party victory. It’s a TV Show–which leads me to speak with everyone else.

Stop watching Dancing with the Stars!

What the hell is wrong with you people?!?

You pop your popcorn with breathless anticipation to see this show?

You fill your DVR’s with hours of this crap? WHY???

And it’s bad enough that you watch this shit, but then you make it worse by making everyone else hear about it the next day.

“Did you see David Hasselhoff try and do the Cha Cha last night? He looked silly.”

Of course he looked silly, he was drunk! Oh, and while on his 8th whiskey sour, some TV producer whispered in his ear that he should do the flippin Cha Cha!

The man was freakin Knight Rider and now he is drunk, doing the Lindy for your amusement???

What have you done to Hasselhoff America?

What have we done to ourselves?

UPDATE!

Thanks to The Other McCain for the Link love!

And thanks to The amatoactivists Daily!

Thanks to Linkiest for the link love!

San Francisco briefly banned Happy Meals yesterday.

From The Huffington Post:

San Francisco has banned the Happy Meal, on the day of the return of the McRib no less. The San Francisco Board of Supervisors earlier today passed an ordinance requiring meals that included toys with their purchase to meet specific nutritional guidelines. The vote, achieved with a Gavin Newsom veto-proof majority of 8-3, effectively bans the Happy Meal.  

Joe Eskenazi at the San Francisco Weekly reports: 

​It seems the San Francisco Board of Supervisors has accomplished what the Hamburglar never could. They’ve made off with McDonald’s fare.The supes today passed an ordinance that will require meals to meet nutritional guidelines if restaurants wish to include a toy with the food purchase.

More importantly, the supes passed the so-called “Happy Meal Ban” by an 8-3 vote — meaning it can survive a promised veto from Mayor Gavin Newsom. That’s right: San Francisco done banned the Happy Meal. Robble robble.

The AP reports: 

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — For some veggies-hating children, Happy Meals won’t be so happy anymore.San Francisco lawmakers approved legislation Tuesday that would limit toy giveaways in children’s meals that have excessive calories, sodium and fat. It also requires servings of fruits or vegetables with each meal.

Story continues below

The city’s Board of Supervisors voted unanimously Tuesday to approve the ordinance, which they hope will force fast-food chains such as McDonald’s to make their children’s meals healthier or stop selling them with toys.The measure drew enough support to overcome an expected veto by Mayor Gavin Newsom.

Supervisors say the law would make San Francisco the first major city to take this action to combat childhood obesity.

McDonald’s has said the law threatens business and restricts parents’ ability to make choices for their children.

The vote seemed to be the last straw for the Happy Meal. But late last night an agreement between McDonald’s and the San Francisco Board of Supervisors was reached.

McDonald’s spokesman, Mayor McCheese had this to say of the compromise:

We know that San Francisco is concerned with children and their health, so we offered to counter our unhealthy but delicious hamburgers with one Trojan condom and a joint in every new ‘Happier Meal.’

Oh, and Sarah Palin is an idiot.

After their deal with McDonald’s was reached, San Francisco Board of Supervisors member Alice Imadeherup said:

Listen, we all hate beef AND corporations. They poison the planet and who wants that?

But McDonald’s is being a responsible corporate citizen. It supports a seven year old’s right to get high and have safe sex. The amount of good that they are doing with the all new ‘Happier Meal” counteracts their raping of Mother Earth.

Oh, and Sarah Palin is an idiot.

Seven year old Timmy Smith got the first “Happier Meal” that included the new prizes which McDonald’s has named the “McJimmie Hat” and the “McSpliff.”

Timmy said:

I’ve never seen a balloon with a tip like this. And that is the worst french fry I have ever had–it was cold.

I just ate it a half an hour ago and I’m hungry again.

San Francisco is now pushing for McDonald’s to fund safe sex and smoking doobies classes for children as young as four years old.

To learn more about the McSpliff, go to your local public library. Ask the information desk about them, and ignore the weird look the librarian gives you.