Today was a big day for Fingersmalloy.com. I loves me some Fark.com. To my surprise and delight, they linked my “Who Said It” piece. Since then, business has been booming here at The Snark Factor.

Being linked on Fark means that one of my blogging goals has been accomplished. Now it is on to step two, writing for Infowars.

Let’s face it, The Snark Factor and Infowars are a perfect pair. I like to make up crazy shit that makes my readers scratch their heads and question my sanity–and Infowars, well anyway…

So, my quest is to make up a conspiracy theory that Infowars can’t resist.

Hmmm…

I’m sitting at Starbucks right now, so I will include those corporate bastards. And what’s a good conspiracy theory without mentioning “the Jews?”

Okay, I’ve got it! This story will shock the world. My official audition for Infowars begins… Now!

Starbucks and Israel Team up to Taint Coffee in Attempt to Steal Ron Paul’s Pot of Gold!

Indianapolis- An investigative reporter has uncovered a plot by Starbucks and Israel to taint Carmel Macchiatos with a chemical agent that will brainwash unsuspecting coffee drinkers into becoming secret agents for the State of Israel.

The chemical, known as Zionisttakeoverzene, has been slipped into over 5,000 cups of coffee in the greater St. Louis area. At first the effects of Zionisttakeoverzene are harmless. It has been known to make many people show up in public places dressed like this:

However, the long term effects of Zionisttakeoverzene are troubling. Long term exposure to the chemical gives people the urge to steal Ron Paul’s pot of gold for “the Jews.”

I contacted Ron Paul–and in my mind he had this to say about this shocking story.

Listen, we all know that the Jews and Starbucks are after me pot of gold. This is old news. I am much more concerned that they are after me Lucky Charms.

I have contacted the FDA and the Obama Administration–and shared with them all the nonexistent evidence I have uncovered. To this date, I have heard nothing back from either entity.

What are they trying to hide?

Are they part of the cover up?

Only time and my vivid imagination will tell. Until then, keep reading The Snark Factor…

Well the first installment of Who Said It was a tremendous success. There will be more quizzes in the weeks to come–so check Fingersmalloy.com often!

The correct answers are highlighted. Let’s see how well you did!

1) “Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14% of people know that.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

2) “Do you know the Web site number? I should have it in front of me and I don’t. I’m actually embarrassed.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

3) “A guy at work bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, Bam! Herpes.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

4) “His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she’s- wait- your mom’s still- your mom’s still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

5) “‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key?”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

6) “What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put ‘em in a tub and clean myself with them? That’s what soap is for.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

7) “I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

8)  “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent… I’m not joking.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

UPDATE!!! I have been Farked! Thanks to Fark.com for the link love!!!

According to a recently released report, the federal government sent stimulus checks to the dead.

From Yahoo News:

WASHINGTON – A government investigator says 89,000 stimulus payments of $250 each went to people who were either dead or in prison.

The Social Security Administration’s inspector general said in a report Thursday that $18 million went to 72,000 people who were dead. The report estimates that a little more than half the payments were returned.

The report said $4.3 million went to a little more than 17,000 prison inmates.

The payments were part of the government’s massive economic recovery package enacted in February 2009. Under the law, the $250 payments were sent to about 52 million Social Security recipients and federal retirees.

As you know, The Snark Factor likes to get to the bottom of every story. I wanted to know what these dead people were doing with stimulus money?

Is the economy in heaven better off now than under the Bush Administration? I had questions. Finding answers to those questions proved tricky.

At first I grabbed a Ouija board. Unfortunately the only dead guy I could contact was Fatty Arbuckle. He said that he hadn’t received a stimulus check–and that “talkies” ruined Hollywood.

My next step was to call Hillary Clinton to see if I could borrow that chap she used to contact Eleanor Roosevelt. To my dismay, Hillary said she was too busy to talk to me. She was up late the night before designing “Hillary in 2012″ bumper stickers. 

Finally, I got a hold of faux psychic medium John Edward. You may know John from his hit TV sitcom “Crossing Over.”  He can fake talking to the dead, so he was perfect for this fake interview.

After 20 minutes of listening to John Edward talk about himself, he contacted 2 dead recipients of Obama Checks. Here is a transcript of my interview.

Fingers Malloy- How long have you been dead and is this the first time you have received a check from the government after you died?

Number 1- I have been dead for a couple of years– and yes this is my first check. I have talked to other people here who have gotten checks before. Three guys got $1000 checks to vote for JFK back in 1960.

Number 2- I have only been up here for a week, I was shocked they knew I was even here. But, money is money.

FM- Can you use money in heaven?

Number 2 - Yes you can. I like to buy Pop Rocks and The New Yorker Magazine.

Number 1 -You would be surprised what 20 bucks will get you up here. All the food is made by the Soylent Green Corporation, so you know what that means?!? It’s made of people! You have to tell them! Soylent Green IS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!

FM- Moving on, what’s the economy like in heaven? Are you in a recession?

Number 1- It’s okay, it would be a lot better if everything up here wasn’t controlled by the Jews. Greedy people those Jews.

Number 2- Yeah, they control the media too. Bastards! And…

FM- (Interrupts) Whoa, wait! Who the hell are you guys?

Number 1- Mel Gibson’s career.

Number 2- Rick Sanchez’s career.

FM- This interview is over…

It is time for the new game that is sweeping the country–Who Said It?

The rules are simple. I will give you a quote and you have to guess which great American said it. Your three choices are Family Guy star Peter Griffin, The Simpson’s dad Homer Simpson or Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden.

Here we go!

1) “Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14% of people know that.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

2) “Do you know the Web site number? I should have it in front of me and I don’t. I’m actually embarrassed.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

3) “A guy at work bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, Bam! Herpes.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

4) “His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she’s- wait- your mom’s still- your mom’s still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

5) “‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key?”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

6) “What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put ‘em in a tub and clean myself with them? That’s what soap is for.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

7) “I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

8)  “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent… I’m not joking.”

A. Peter Griffin
B. Homer Simpson
C. Joe Biden

Answers to this quiz will be posted tomorrow…

Thanks to Al’s Ramblings for the link love!

UPDATE!!! Answers to this quiz can be found here!

I have been Farked! Thanks to Fark.com for the link love!!!

So, Washington Post Co. announced how much Sidney Harman paid to buy Newsweek–a buck.

I’m not talking about a copy of Newsweek, but the whole operation! Although if he paid a dollar to buy a copy of Newsweek he got screwed.

From the Washington Post;

The Washington Post Co. has revealed exactly how much cash that audio equipment magnate Sidney Harman paid for Newsweek magazine this summer: $1.The Post Co. also agreed to cover up to $10 million of Newsweek’s existing bills. And it will hold on to certain employee pension liabilities, though it did not spell out a dollar figure in a regulatory filing Wednesday.

No one thought Harman paid much for Newsweek, which lost almost $30 million last year amid circulation and advertising declines.

But the magazine’s sale for less than its $5.95-per-issue price on newsstands is still a grim milestone for a brand that was once a prized asset at the Post Co., which bought Newsweek in 1961.

So to celebrate Newsweek’s sale for a dollar, The Snark Factor has put  together a fun list . If you want to buy something off the following list, it will cost you more than what Harman paid for Newsweek.

1) A copy of the album “Leonard Nimoy Presents–Mr. Spock’s Music From Outer Space” $35.00.

2) Duct tape $5.19.

3) A used Meghan McCain…Ur… A used copy of Meghan McCain’s book-”Dirty, Something Somethin” $9.99.

4) A used copy of the movie: “The Crying Game” VHS Tape $1.72.

5) 8 ShamWows! $19.95.

6) RFC Radio. $20

Thanks to Linkiest for the link love!

(This post is part of my Smart Girl Summit 2010 wrap-up.)

Saturday was surreal.

A group of my friends and I hopped on the Metro in Washington, D.C. and headed to the National Mall. I had always wanted to see the Smithsonian and was looking forward to the trip. Our train made several stops along the way, including one at Arlington National Cemetery. For a newbie to D.C., seeing that stop was particularly meaningful.

One stop later, a very large group of people that attended the One Nation Rally boarded the train. A majority of them were wearing shirts with UAW or SEIU printed on the front. They were all very friendly and seemed happy to have attended the event.

Two UAW members (a man and a woman both in their 50’s) stood directly in front of me in the crowded car. The lady asked me where I was from.

“Indianapolis,” I said.

She immediately grinned and shot back politely “Ah, Tea Party country. We are for working people.”

I smiled; there was no need to argue with her. She truly thinks her beliefs are a benefit to working people. I was also greatly outnumbered. (On this day I was not willing to be a 2010 version of George Custer)

After a very nice conversation with them both, the train had made it to the Smithsonian stop. We got off and headed up to the National Mall. I was disgusted with what I saw.

Garbage.

Trash everywhere. There were a number of professionally printed signs from the SEIU thrown to the ground. Literature from the Communist Party of America was scattered on the lawn. I walked to the Smithsonian with a feeling of despair for what our country had become.

Upon entering the Smithsonian, the first exhibit we encountered was The Star Spangled Banner. The flag on display was raised over Fort McHenry after the British had bombarded the fort for over 24 hours in the Battle of Baltimore during the War of 1812. Raising the flag was a signal that the Americans had defeated the British in this momentous battle.

Francis Scott Key was held prisoner on a British ship during the battle near Fort McHenry. Having witnessed American heroism and seeing the flag raised over the fort, Key was inspired to write “The Star-Spangled Banner”.

Viewing this exhibit at the Smithsonian was quite moving. The flag was displayed in a light and climate controlled room. As I walked by the flag, I noticed a shell fragment from the battle that visitors are encouraged to touch.

 (Photo from Si.edu)

We left the Smithsonian a few hours later. The rally was over–but the mess they left was there for someone else to deal with.

(Photo by Mike Gay)

My thoughts went back to the “we are for the working people” lady from the Metro train. Did the men in Fort McHenry have the same sense of entitlement that the protesters at the One Nation Rally possess?

Would those brave men approve of a government that the people at this rally crave?

These people want a Robin Hood government. They believe that we need to tax the rich heavily and give their money to everyone else.

Unfortunately, that has been tried many times by many other countries and it has never worked. If anything, it leads to what some call “trickle up poverty”.

As we left the event, we found a trash can.

(Photo by Ashley Sewell)

To borrow a line from a friend, this was the only American flag we saw at the rally that day. I wondered: If Francis Scott Key were alive to see how some Americans acted on this day–and saw our flag in the trash–would he be inspired to write a poem?

Or would he have just left the Mall with a feeling of despair for what our country had become?

Update- Thanks to John Hawkins for featuring this post on Linkiest. My thanks also go out to News Real Blog for putting it up on their site! Add All American Blogger to the list, thanks!