Snarky 6 – The Six Unknown Demands Of The Discovery Channel Gunman
Earlier today, a heavily armed leftist nut-job by the name of James Jay Lee stormed the Discovery Channel Communications building in Maryland. He was motivated by his hatred for human population growth and babies that kill Mother Earth.
Hopped up on Al Gore lies and Sanka, he had a list of demands that he wanted met before he would release any hostages. For the entire text of his demands, click here.
The situation is now under control after police shot Lee. No word yet if he decided to not have the bullets removed–and relieve Mother Earth of the burden of his existence.
As you know, The Snark Factor is never satisfied unless we do our own research. I discovered six of Lee’s demands not reported by any other media outlet. This is the kind of journalistic excellence that has not been seen since the Teapot Dome Scandal.
The Lee 6–in his own words.
1- Bring back Crystal Pepsi. I loved drinking it with slow gin.
2- I want an autographed picture of Menudo. The original lineup, NO TRICKS!
3- I want a Toyota Prius filled with the following items; 6 copies of An Inconvenient Truth, Keith Olbermann’s hair brush and a ball cap that was worn by Michael Moore.
4- I want my own show on MSNBC. In fact, give me Ed Schultz’s time slot. I also want his bucket of crazy.
5- I specifically want the 15 minutes of fame owned by D.C Douglas, minus the vinegar scent.
6- I want a beer summit with President Obama at the White House. The guest list will include Kathy Griffin, Dustin Diamond, the ghost of Gary Coleman, Carrot Top, Linda Lavin, John Cusack, Joan Cusack and Snookie.
Tags: Beer Summit, Carrot Top, Discovery Channel, Dustin Diamond, James Jay Lee, John Cusack, Kathy Griffin, Keith Olbermann, President Obama
