This is probably the most painful blog post I have ever had to write. As many of you know, there has been a possible sex scandal brewing in South Carolina. Blogger Will Folks claims that he had an “inappropriate physical relationship” with Republican Gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley.

From The Telegraph.co.uk:

Republican hopeful Nikki Haley, who became front-runner to be South Carolina governor after she was backed by Sarah Palin, has been accused of having an affair with a conservative blogger.

The mother-of-two, 38, whose husband is a United States Army reserves officer, has been hit by allegations she had a “physical” relationship with commentator Will Folks.

The controversy erupted when Mr Folks posted a statement on his website claiming that “several years ago, prior to my marriage, I had an inappropriate physical relationship with Nikki. That’s it”.

Mr Folks offered no proof and later posted links to 26 articles covering his claim, stating that he had “uncharacteristically shut his pie hole in the wake of this morning’s seismic revelations” and would maintain his silence.

Why do I bring all of this up? Because I too had an inappropriate physical relationship with Nikki Haley (I called her my Nikki-Bear).

She ended it, to start whatever she had going on with Will Folks.

I keep asking myself–why did she dump me for him? I will never forget the time she let me paint her while we were on the Titanic. Sure we were just dumb kids, but those memories will last a lifetime. At that moment, she made me feel like I was king of the world.

But after a while I knew we were on the rocks. I told Nikki that I changed the number on the back of my jeans from a size 32 waist to a 31. She freaked out. She told me that I wasn’t sponge worthy.

I tried to win her back. One time I sat outside her window all day holding a giant jam box over my head–and played the same crappy Peter Gabriel song over and over and over again.

Hours later when she finally came outside, all I could say was:

You had me at hello, you had me at hello.

Next thing I know, she’s not answering my phone calls.

I, like Will Folks–have text messages to prove what Nikki-Bear and I once had. Here’s my proof:

—— SMS ——
From: Dick Cheney
To: Fingers Malloy
Sent: May 14, 2010 09:23 AM

There. I think I have made a convincing case. The evidence is clear. I have wild stories and a text message that may or may not be completely made up. Nikki-Bear and I had something special–and she left me for that poser Will Folks.

My accusations, along with Will Folk’s story must be true. We are both bloggers. When have you ever been misled or got bad information from a blog?

Wait, why is this a scandal again?

*Warning, the preceding blog post may have no basis in fact.

H/T Robert Stacy McCain

The Snark Factor Episode 74 includes Michelle Moore, Molly Teichman and Teri Christoph. We talk about buying gold and bottled water.

Podcast: Download

Author Joe McGinniss is writing a book about former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. So naturally, he moved in right next door to her family home. Howdy neighbor!

Invasion of privacy? What invasion of privacy? She’s a conservative, so she doesn’t deserve privacy.

From MSNBC:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska – Sarah Palin has taken to her Facebook page to complain about her new neighbor — a writer penning a book about her.Author Joe McGinniss has taken up residence in a house next to Palin’s lakeside home in Wasilla.

“Yes, that Joe McGinniss. Here he is about 15 feet away on the neighbor’s rented deck overlooking my children’s play area and my kitchen window,” Palin posted on Facebook late Monday, hours after returning from a trip to the Lower 48 and learning of McGinniss’ presence.”We’re sure to have a doozey to look forward to with this treasure he’s penning. Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom, my little garden, and the family’s swimming hole?” she wrote.

Unhappy with this development, I moved in next door to McGinniss–and captured exclusive video footage of the author stalking Palin. Warning, the footage may shock you!

Rep. Joe Sestack claimed that he was offered a job by the Obama administration to quit a primary challenge to Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter (no relation to Ronnie Spector).

Now that this story has gotten some legs in the main stream media, Sestak and the White House are dodging questions about the alleged job offer. President Obama threw his support in the primary behind Sen. Specter (no relation to Phil Spector).

From Philly.com:

Rep. Joe Sestak, the brand-new Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate from Pennsylvania, and White House press secretary Robert Gibbs each dodged questions Sunday about Sestak’s claim that the Obama administration offered him a job last summer if he would skip a primary challenge to Sen. Arlen Specter.

The issue, with implications of potential illegality by the White House, has rekindled in the five days since Sestak defeated Specter, who fled the Republican Party to seek a sixth term. GOP leaders are pressing Sestak and the administration to provide details of discussions.

During an appearance on NBC’s Meet the Press, Sestak confirmed he was offered a job. But he would not answer host David Gregory’s follow-up questions. “Anything that goes beyond that is for others to talk about,” Sestak said.

I was not satisfied with what I heard on Sunday, so I put the Snark Factor staff to work. We have uncovered 6 jobs that the Obama administration offered Rep. Sestak if he would quit his campaign. Prepare yourself, it is quite shocking.

1) Oil Spill Czar- Who wouldn’t want that job? Apparently you do nothing and get paid for it.

2) King of Detroit- I had no idea President Obama had that kind of power.

3) Secretary of Awesome- Post currently held by Scott Baio.

4) V.P. Joe Biden’s opening act at all of his speeches.

5) Event coordinator for Beer Summit II- The Wrath of Kahn.

6) The guy who wakes everyone up during a Harry Reid speech.

We will keep following this story until I get tired and need a nap.

(Author’s note: I could stand to lose 30 lbs. That is one of the many reasons why I am not a Chippendale’s dancer.)

To say that Michigan is in bad shape would be the mother of all understatements. Depending on the day, real unemployment in the city of Detroit is anywhere between 30-40% (employment data from jobs at meth-labs are not factored into employment statistics).

So with high unemployment, a spike in violence in the city of Detroit and an election year in which Michigan voters will elect a new Governor–what makes the front page at BOTH the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press?

Hooters waitress files lawsuit over weight flap.

From the Detroit News:

Roseville — A Hooters server has filed a lawsuit against the restaurant chain after she was placed on probation for gaining weight.

Cassandra Smith, 20, of Roseville, filed a suit in Macomb County Circuit Court today. The lawsuit charges Hooters of America Inc. violated her civil rights by discriminating on the basis of her weight.

“It is unreasonable to require that person like Plaintiff be underweight and subject themselves to potential physical and mental health risks as a condition of working for Defendants,” the lawsuit reads.

Civil rights violation?

Really???

No SERIOUSLY, a civil rights violation?

I know I am opening myself up to a bunch of hate-mail from women, but I can’t believe this. It’s intervention time.

Note to the cupcake (oops, the plaintiff): you work at HOOTERS. They expect you to look good in your uniform. Yup that sucks, just like it sucks that they don’t hire regular people to be swimsuit models, Chippendale dancers and pro athletes (okay there are some fat athletes).

I can make a list of careers where people that carry a few extra pounds need not apply. Trying to fight that reality does not make you Rosa Parks. This has nothing to do with civil rights and everything to do with filing a frivolous lawsuit in hopes of gaining a quick money grab.

Now, to the kids over at The Detroit Free Press and The Detroit News– put this story on page A16. The idea that this story should be on the front page of anything other than The Eyeroll Daily(I made that up, clever huh) makes me want to vomit…

Steven Crowder joins me for a quick interview. As always, Michelle Moore and Molly Teichman add to the fun.

Podcast: Download

Ned Ryun, President of American Majority joins me to discuss the Post Party Summit in Indianapolis held Saturday, May 15Th. The usual cast of characters also join in on the fun.

Podcast: Download

John Hawkins of Right Wing News enters The Snark Factor to discuss media bias and double standards. We also talk about RespecttheGreatGame.com.

Podcast: Download

Tabitha Hale joins The Snark Factor to talk GeicoGate. That’s not all! Michelle Moore, Molly Teichman, Thomas LaDuke and Melanie Hall join in on all the fun.

Podcast: Download

Well that didn’t take very long. It looks as though we have struck a nerve out there. Some lefties attacked our site and shut her down for a couple of hours.

From RespecttheGreatGame.com:

Friends/Fans of Keith Olbermann have attacked our site in order to prevent us from expressing our opinion. Funny how that never happens to Olby, huh? But this just means we are making our point – when you can’t win on facts you go all Alinsky and attack the messenger.

Don’t worry, we were prepared for this and we are in it for the long haul. I will keep you posted on the progress we are making at RespecttheGreatGame.com right here at The Snark Factor!

Seacrest out…