Democrats have done a marvelous job making many Americans believe that treatment provided by a doctor is now a right, instead of a service.
A 2,300 page health care bill that a majority of Americans still oppose will be up for a vote on Sunday. If it passes, I think the Dems should go further, and attempt to turn other services into rights. Here are my top 6 services that I believe Democrats can turn into rights.
1. Free food. Sure we have food stamps, but that’s not enough. Chain grocery stores (I call them Big Grocery) make billions of dollars every year while Americans go hungry. The government should pass a 2,300 page bill to reform Big Grocery. Yes food prices will skyrocket, but in exchange, every American will get a free bottle of Yoo-Hoo chocolate-flavored beverage.(mmm Yoo-Hoo)
2. Free WiFi. Let’s face it, the Internet should be a right. Millions of Americans have no way to access the Internet to watch porn (an argument that will sway several Senators) or worse yet, many still use dial up. This must end. 2,300 pages later and we will bring back AOL, Prodigy, NetZero and CompuServe!
3. Free cell phones. Today, millions of disadvantaged teenagers are forced to walk around without phones, while the rich teen-aged spawn of Republicans use their iPhones to text their friends about their fantastic health insurance. Do you know how that makes these poor teenagers feel?
4. Free cars. Everyone needs an automobile and the government already owns GM and Chrysler. This is a match made in heaven. Sure it will cost a lot, but my buy a car for everyone plan will reduce the deficit by 150 billion dollars over the next 10 years. I base that savings on the fact that I am arrogant and figure that you are too stupid to look anything up or ask any questions.
5. A free house. Do I have to explain myself on this one? People are hurting. Are you trying to say that everyone shouldn’t have a house? What kind of jerk are you? Don’t you have a heart? In fact, we don’t need 2,300 pages for this. Your house is paid for. That will teach your bank. (I call them Big Mortgage)
6. Free Willy. Who didn’t love that movie? I mean come on, a kid freed a whale that was being held captive by a ruthless human being, who was only using that poor whale to make a profit. Profit is evil.
The good news, all this will be paid for by raising taxes on Bill Gates. Trust me: Do not do any research to try and catch me lying my ass off. Just listen to the mainstream media for its analysis. The media is spot on.
I just realized something. My list may give you the false impression that Dems may not like the private sector. I do not want to give you that impression. They only hate:
Big Oil, insurance companies, the auto industry(pre-government ownership), talk radio, Big Tobacco, Big Coal, Wall Street, restaurants that use salt, soft drink companies, the US military, Halliburton, banks, cable television companies and *Al-Qaeda.
* It was a toss up between putting Al-Qaeda last on the list or “Big Cable”. I know the Dems hate them both, but in the end I heard Al-Qaeda provides health insurance for its suicide bombers. The same can’t be said for cable company employees with “pre-existing conditions”.